Josie & Teagan’s Eternal Legacy on Earth

We’ve lived a lot of life these last 4 years. I’m grateful for every opportunity to speak my babies’ names, remember the healing and hope of our Lord and Savior, and the community found in Christ-centered organizations that exist solely to provide an anchor even when things don’t look the way we expect.

Let me tell you our story.

Josie was our miracle pregnancy in 2019, after almost a decade of marriage, PCOS induced infertility, and TONS of prayer, tears, and progress in our health efforts. This tiny life was celebrated the moment we discovered it, and lost to us just as soon. One to two months prior, Michael had read a little book called  The Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson. I’ve never seen him so convicted to prompt me to read a book before, but at the time, I was knee deep in several other books and studies, and I put it off. Michael took it upon himself to read it aloud before bed each night until we finished. How grateful I am for that timely leading by the Holy Spirit through my husband, for this was the message that God resounded LOUD and CLEAR in my weakest moments following our loss.

Michael was also the one who suggested the precious name “Josie” based off my long-time name-crush Josiah.  As he spoke it the first time, my heart leaped - it was perfect! Even more so when we realized it was one of God’s sweet gifts to us because of its meaning: God supports and heals; Jehovah increases.

Five months later, Teagan Paul came into our lives by way of a perfect pregnancy.

Fast forward to mid January 2020, and I experienced a bout of laryngitis and bronchitis. With my compromised immune system, this was nothing new and I calculated that I only had a couple days left with my cough. Michael and I were sitting in the living room early Friday evening, and out of nowhere, I suddenly started to feel feverish. He suggested I go lie down, but by the time he came to get ready for bed, I told him that the coughing must have spurred on some Braxton Hicks contractions- I was almost 20 weeks after all. Soon after he fell asleep, I woke him up with a panic. I had started experiencing bigger contractions. Something didn’t seem right. Within 5 minutes my water broke. Our eyes locked. We rushed to the hospital in absolute shock, fear and disheartened disbelief. The following morning at 8:24, our tiny 12.5 oz, 10.5 inch baby boy was born. Deafening silence shrouded the room. We had never faced a more crushing moment in our lives.

Soon after he was born, the hospital staff kindly pressured us to speak the baby’s name and had already called the chaplain to provide some closure before we were released to go home without him. But names hold such importance for us as a couple and we just weren’t ready. I had an intuition, but we did not know until that morning that we were going to have a son.

Everything happened so fast and chaotically. The only thought I could muster was: “Jesus…. what do you call this baby?” Immediately, I heard a soft whisper in my heart: Teagan. “Teagan?” Of all the names out there, I had never given this one much thought. I asked Michael to look it up. He had the same reaction I did, as we had spent nearly a decade researching and discussing names. But as he did, he confirmed this was right and it was from Jesus.  It took a couple of days, but I soon realized how fitting "little Poet, Philosopher, Storyteller" was… a personal commission, if you will, straight from the Father’s heart. And in the unfolding of our healing journey, sharing this very story has helped us  continue to find our voice bringing hope and healing wherever we go.

With the onset of Covid, I was released from my job and I spent the next few months processing my grief. That time was such a necessity and blessing! Our church helped find us counseling, meanwhile, I journaled a novel-size book with any thought, emotion or feeling I had, or Scripture, song or devotional that I found healing and impactful.

That July, through the finest of threads, I found myself in a conversation that ultimately lead me to Hope Mommies. They provided me a “hope box” which I’ve since affectionately called a hug-in-a-box and am still actively involved. Our family especially prioritizes the community hope box building events the group holds throughout the year. It heals my heart to connect and give back and see my Josie and Teagan’s names in a box built for the next local loss momma.

Would you help us give back, writing your own name and chapter into our family’s story? Will you help us to remember Josie and Teagan by leaving an eternal legacy and bring hope and healing to the mama who comes home with empty arms? If not for them, maybe for a precious baby you’ve known or lost yourself. 1 in 4 women have.

Build a bridge. Speak loudly that there is hope for the hopeless, healing for the broken and Light for those that sit in darkness, feel forgotten, unseen and empty.

Rejoicing in hope; patient in trials; continuing in prayer.. weep with them that weep. Romans 12:12, 15